I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
