I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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