I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
