When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
