matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Randomize
