I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
