I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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