Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
