in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
