I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
