I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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