i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
