I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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