I think I died a long time ago.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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