Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My vagina is officially offended.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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