Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
