she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
