thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
