okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
