Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
