did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
