It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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