I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Less talking, more tequila
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
