i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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