Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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