its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your penis caused this!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
