I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
