maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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