I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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