Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
