I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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