I hate your face
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
