worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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