This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We named our party play list daddy issues
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
