Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
