don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
