Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
