I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
