At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
