remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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