I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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