the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
