and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
