This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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