We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
