i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
