have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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