Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
