The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
