It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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