So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
